Mind Your Language!

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Nothing to do with swearing! The language we use every day has an incredible impact on our life. Not just what we say to others and what they say to us. The worst language seems to be aimed at what we say to ourselves. Most people say things about themselves that would really upset them if someone else told them. Most of us have looked in a mirror and said to ourselves “aren’t you fat” or something far more rude!

So what do I call bad language? let’s start with: Have to, Should have, Could have, Would have, Must do, Can’t, Didn’t, I’m not. These are self imposed “rules”.

The people I see with the most problems are always those with the most rules! This is so important I am going to repeat it. The people with the most problems are always those with the most rules!

That list of words are all about obligations you feel you have either to yourself or others. Often they are about things we haven’t done and now feel guilty about. So we have a rule to make us feel forced into doing some we don’t want to do or are incapable of and then the rule that we feel guilty when we don’t do it! How stupid is that!

So here is a simple tip of turning off self flagellation and make it into inspiration.

Start accepting those things that are beyond your control, guilt is not required if there is nothing you could have done to change it.

Start questioning the rules. These are your rules, often inherited and often no longer true or applicable.

For instance: “I really must mow the lawn before the winter sets in.” This will now niggle you every day that passes. A simple change of language to: It will be really good if I get chance to mow the lawn before the winter sets in. Can you see the difference, It is the same as the difference between volunteering and being forced!

“I really should spend time with the family when they go to the beach, but I’m always ill.” turns into “I really look forward to the next time I can go to the beach with the family”. The first phrase is likely to lead to the outcome you don’t want the second becomes a beneficial self fulfilling prophecy.

This may sound trivial, it isn’t. Give it a go and you will be amazed at the changes. Just pulling yourself up on bad language and having to think how to change it will reset some of those habitual put downs.

Feel free to share your thoughts or pose a question for me to answer in the comments below.

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