Why Me?


“Why me?” sounds like a great question. In fact it is probably the worst question you can ask yourself. Why? Because there will never be an answer; and because of that you will really screw yourself up with the internal conflict of seeking the answer.

Just think for a moment of the opposite question, “Why not me?”. If you ask yourself that, what is the answer? What makes you so special that you should defy the law of chance? Something? Nothing?

The “why me” question comes from a perception that something external has deliberately hurt you. It is both external and done with intent. Where these two things are present the why me question may have some relevance but only if you were selected by the perpetrator. If it was a random act of violence then this is just chance – being in the wrong place at that time!

So is this something that happened by chance? What if it has happened to you before? What are the chances of it happening a second time to you? What if bad things always happen to you?

If you can change nothing about what happened then “why me” is not doing you any good. “Why” is a good question, because if an answer is found it might help you steer away from it happening again. But if no learning is to be had or you have learned whatever you needed to then this “why” is no longer required.

The new question, once you have accepted that it has happened and nothing is to be gained by constantly dissecting it, is “what do I need to do now that will be in my best interest for recovery.”.

There are many stories of the difference perception makes: a person who has been randomly attacked who thinks it has “ruined my life” will have a ruined life as they live out that belief. The same person who is determined to “become stronger because of it” will have fewer problems and a quicker healing time. Whilst the attack may have been painful, it is no longer the attack that hurts the person it is the thoughts of the injustice of it that carries the pain on.

So now for the good news.

I have made available two videos that demonstrate both sides of this power of thought and that thoughts are just thoughts until you make them real.

#1 – Nick Vujucic, born without arms or legs is in my opinion the most inspirational guy on the planet and #2 – Neil Holborn gives a great performance of a love story and its affect on his OCD.

Our thoughts are just thoughts they are not reality. We turn them into physical pain and suffering by repetition of trying to resolve that inner conflict of “why” and attributing the “deliberate” nature of it. Once we realise that the past is simply that, and can only be relived in thought, not reality, we can start to let go of the things we cannot change and move on to the things we can – our recovery!

Look around you now and everything you see that is man made started with a thought, then a lot of processes were needed to turn it into reality, a design, a constructor, materials, a sales procedure, a purchaser, transport, an appropriate place to put it. But with thoughts that you don’t want to turn into reality you simply need to switch the process from “this thought is what I don’t want, let me switch to thinking about what I do want.” The clue is to always think of what is the exact opposite of what you don’t want and the answer will always be what you do want! The word “recovery” springs to mind.

If the “why me” is from many instances you need to look at your overall perception and see why you think like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if low esteem comes up in your answer. If you think your friends might think you are a drama queen or do actually call you one then your investigation of your perception could change your life for the better. Either that you perceive it better or it actually physically improves how you live.

Allow some time for this to sink in and you will find yourself thinking less about the cause and more about the desired route, I wish you well on your journey.

Please take a look around my other blogs for practical tips and support. I would suggest the blog on reframing and the “Bin it” blog to be an appropriate and complimentary articles.

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